STATION X.VI

I am still coming out of the cave.

I am still pushing the stone away from the entrance and sneaking out when no one sees

I am still pushing my way through the dirt until I see sunlight

***

When I kiss my partner

And imagine what it would feel like

To feel my stubble rub against his

I am crawling out of the cave.

***

In the moments where someone calls me a woman

Even though I think I look like a man

And feel like neither

And I tepidly correct them

I am crawling out of the cave.

***

When I read the news

About the people who want to kill

People like me

The people who want

People like me dead

I still continue to crawl out of the cave.

***

When I find myself correcting

The people who see me every day and

The people who have known me the longest

And they brush it off

Saying it shouldn’t matter

Because they still understand me

And I wonder if they really do

Crawling out of the cave.

***

When I’m washing my hands

In a public bathroom

And a woman walks in and glares at me

Sometimes they even turn around and leave

And I wonder

If I should have gone in the men’s room instead

Crawling out of the cave.

***

It never stops feeling like there are eyes on me

Because the eyes never stop staring

I never get to stop reminding

Because they keep forgetting

They won't stop disrespecting me

Because they don’t take the time to understand.

***

There’s never a moment that it ends.

Never a moment that I am finally

Out of the cave.

***

But still,

I push the stone away

Let the sunlight touch my skin

Walk out of the cave

Over and over and over again.